Visitor: Why do you have a passport photo of yourself on the wall?
Me: ‘Cause I put it there.
Visitor: Why do you have googly eyes on so many things?
Me: ‘Cause I live by myself. It’s nice to have company.
Visitor: Why do you have a garden trolley full of comic books in the living room?
Me: ‘Cause I used to have a market stall. OBVS!
Visitor: Why is there a tiny staircase in the bathroom?
Me: I didn’t build the place!!!
Visitor: Why do you have a night light in your room?
Me: I’m scared of the dark, FFS!! What?
Visitor: Why do you have a tuba in a backpack?
Me: People always acting like they’ve never seen a bitch carrying a tuba in a backpack!! JEEZ!
Visitor: Do you use that cross trainer?
Me: GET OUT!!
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