Here I sit
Struggling to find words to convey the intensity of feeling and thought encompassing all of the different parts of my body and mind at each different moment of any given day
Complex juxtaposition is commonplace, it comforts me
The torture from loathing within, well, that unsettles me, of course
But I work at taming that beast, my monster that grows evermore every second
We have come to an understanding
If she remains unseen, then, within me, she can infinitely consume
And she devours every piece of me and regurgitates the parts you see
The parts I struggle to hold together, but strengthen with each sickening wretch
Understanding that there is no such, but willing and trying
Crying and dying but living fiercely
Calm and still, yet ablaze inside
I let her cry out a deafening roar sometimes, in hope
Anxious and weak when the beast is free
Sick to my stomach
Pathetic and feeble
Repulsive beast
So I don my armour and battle the blazing monster til my body is weak and my mind wretched
To victory
Wiping the residue from the faces of those unfortunate enough to bear witness to her
She finds peace watching as they walk away into the sunset
To their happy ever after
I wave in the dark
The light is so beautiful and I see it, we both do, so we watch a while together at peace
Light fades to black
Bad things happen in the darkness of all places
Of all places
By Celia Morgan
