I gotta get this thing done, like, right now! But, ooh, maybe I’ll have a quick look at this other thing first. OK, I’m done with that. Back to business. I think I need a clearer space to work in. Clear space, clear mind. Let me just tidy some things up around here. God, when did I get so messy? If I’m gonna tidy up this area, I might as well keep going and tidy the rest of the place. Man, I don’t think I’ve ever wiped down the skirting boards in the two years I’ve lived here. What an animal. How have I been living like this, I mean, really? And the window sills…urgh, don’t even start! They’re black! OK, they’re not black, but bloody hell, woman, clean them! No wonder I can’t get anything done. I’m living in a hostile environment!

Now, isn’t this nice! It smells so good in here too. OK, back to work. Right, let’s make a start. Wait, what is that funky smell I keep getting? Damn, it’s me. Better take a shower.

OK, that’s better. Clean place, clean body…empty tummy. Fuck. I don’t have any food in the house either. Nope, I will not take up hours going shopping, I can order in. It’s not too early, is it? Shit, it’s after lunch! OK, let’s do this. “Minimum spend of £15.” I could buy a lot from the supermarket for £15. But it’s the convenience of it. I’m paying for the convenience. Like I have money to waste on convenience! I’ll just get something for now then do a proper shop tomorrow. Toast will do. Toast and coffee.

Mmm, I forget how much I like toast. It’s so simple, but really good. Back to work now. That’s it, I’m in the zone. Almost. Some tunes would make this perfect. But what? Let me have a look… Oh, I still haven’t downloaded that album I was talking about the other day. I should do it really quick before I forget. Is there anything else I wanted to download? I’m sure I made a list somewhere. I’ll go look.

Right, that’s all of that on the download. But what shall I listen to right now? Fuck it. I don’t need to listen to anything. Just get on with some work. I’ve lost my flow now, but OK, I can get it back. Just make a start. Just make a start. I need to call my Mom. No I don’t. Just make a damn start!

How long was that? FIVE MINUTES? Shit damn. Do five minutes more.

Is there something wrong with the clock on here, or what? I’m working myself up now, just relax. I’ll smoke a tiny cigarette and have a tiny drop of rum. Both tiny. It will help my mind ease into this shit. I haven’t done any practice for band rehearsal tomorrow. NOT NOW, man, do this thing! Shit. I’m wasting so much time. If something is this hard to do, maybe I just can’t do it. I’m kidding myself. I have been all along. I’m not talented. I have no “gift”. What the fuck do I know!? What was I thinking even getting myself committed to this?  Even if I finish, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be of any great standard. And now I’ve wasted all this time, I’ve put myself at a disadvantage having to rush. Is it too late to get out of this? Oh God. I’m in over my head. I need to lie down for a minute. I need to.

Tiny rum = still too much rum. No more excuses. Though, this isn’t the only thing that I need to get done. I have so much to do. I need to prioritise. Maybe I should make a list and work my way through. Number one… FINISH THIS! Jeez. OK. My music has finished downloading now so I’ll set up a nice, relaxed vibe.

This is nice. I’m getting a bit hungry again now. I’ll just have a bit more toast, it’s only quick to make. And another coffee, no more rum. Though, rum in the coffee might be nice. Nope. Bad idea. OK, I’ve got this. Let’s get to work.

(Yess, I’m doing it.)

OK, let me read some of this back. Uh-huh, yeah, no, change that, OK, yeah… Wait, what the…? Shit, I’ve typed in song lyrics all over the place! What am I doing? I’m my own saboteur. Shut up. It’s just tiredness. I’m so tired. Maybe it’s best if I just sleep now and make a whole day of it tomorrow. Yeah, sleep is a good idea.


Back to business. I think I need a clearer space to work in. Clear space, clear mind. Let me just tidy some things up around here. God, when did I get so messy….

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