Insomnia

Feeling so tired, so, so tired. Can’t wait to go to bed. In fact, I think I’ll just go now. It’s not too early.

Yes! Bed. And sleep. I love my bed. So cosy. What time is it? Nah, it’s not too early, it’s fine. I can just get up early and refreshed anyway. It’s fine. I wonder if anyone I know goes to bed this early? Maybe everyone does. Maybe I go to bed too late all the time and that’s why I can’t sleep. Urrgh, it doesn’t matter, stop thinking about it or you’ll dream about it and then wake up. Think about something else. Something that will make a nice dream. OK, I know what to think about. I’ll just think about that for a bit and drift off into a nice dream about it. Yeah.

I wonder what time it is now? How long was I thinking about that thing. Not very long. Oh! OK, think about something else then. Oh, what’s-her-name, she’s funny, isn’t she? Funnier than me, probably. Well, I don’t think so, but she has more friends than me so she must be. She’s prettier as well though. I don’t even like her. She’s not funny at all. Dick. People just want to be her friend because she looks nice. Groupies. I don’t have groupies. Do I even want stupid groupies anyway? No. Maybe a little bit, I suppose. Maybe not groupies, just someone to be interested. One person to be interested. Wait! Why am I thinking about this? This’ll make a shit dream. Think about something to fall asleep to.

I’m really thirsty now. Better not get up cos then I’ll be proper awake instead of just a bit awake. My mouth is so dry though. So dry my teeth are even dry. I’ll only dream about drinking if I don’t get up and get a drink. But I don’t want to get up, I’m too tired, I need to sleep. Go to sleep.

OK, I’m gonna go and get a drink, but just a small one. I wonder if I can make it to the kitchen and back keeping my eyes closed? No, don’t be silly. I’d spill it on the way back anyway. Just go and get the drink then before it’s even later. Got to have at least five hours sleep. I can function on five. Functional five. Better make sure I get five. The more sleep you get, the more tired you feel sometimes anyway. It’s not that late, is it? It is. Go and get that drink then, jeez.

That’s better. Do I need the toilet now though? No. But I will soon if I fall asleep, so might as well just go now so it doesn’t wake me up. Urrgh, it’s cold in the bathroom. Shivering makes you proper awake instead of just half awake. I’m not awake-awake yet. I should just go to the loo though now, so I don’t have to later. I’m well tired. I’m just gonna go now, so it doesn’t wake me later.

I think I’m awake-awake now. Might as well get my phone out. Typical, no one’s messaged me. Why doesn’t anyone message me? I suppose they do though sometimes. I can message them though too. Don’t have to wait for them to message me, do I. I should send a message to thingy. Yeah, haven’t chatted in ages. It’s the middle of the night, I can’t do it now. I’ll do it in the morning. Oh shit, I wanted to text what’s-his-name today. I forgot. I’ll do that in the morning too. And send that reply… Crap! I always forget. No wonder no one messages me. I suppose they do though, sometimes, don’t they.

For fuck’s sake now, it’s the morning. I have to get up in, like, three hours. Sleep! Just fucking sleep. I’m so tired. Just sleep, you muppet. I hate myself! No wonder everyone hates me. No one hates me, go to sleep. Sleep.

I might as well just stay up now. No point going to sleep now. It’ll just be harder to get up. I’m gonna stay awake then. I’ll get up in a minute. Just lie down for a minute more. I’ll sit up in a minute. Just close my eyes for a bit longer. No point sleeping now. No point slee…

SNORE. ALARM.

SNOOZE. ALARM.

Fuck’s sake. I hate my life.

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