There were, roughly, 50-55 people sat in the chair circle on this particular night. So many, in fact, that you could scarcely call it a circle anymore, just a small room with people packed in, three-deep, around the edges and one man stood imperiously at the centre. Usually you’d find 10, maybe 15 regular participants, but after the Bam Bam Agency scandal, attendance has been somewhat oversubscribed, much to the revelry of Del, the group leader. On the surface, there was nothing outstanding about Del, other than the fact that he bears a striking resemblance to the TV incarnation of Agatha Christie’s fictional Belgian detective, Hercule Piorot. Del was, however, a forceful man that knew how to command a room. He was in his element when at the centre of attention, so, as is customary for the group leader, he was the first to speak, and open the session.
“My name is Delmar Latourelle and I am a silly.” At once, the room awoke with a well-rehearsed drone, “Welcome, Delmar. Your fellow sillys embrace and understand you.” “Thank you,” he went on. “Most of you will have already heard my story, either first hand, or within your sections of the industry, as my reputation in the silly world precedes me. Those of you who have not, fear not, as I will retell the bitter-sweet tale of the super silly agency that was Utter Silliness.” A low murmur of recognition swept across the room as the penny finally dropped as to whom the man in the centre of it all truly was. “Single-handedly, I put Utter Silliness at the forefront of business strategy, spearheading mind-blowingly silly campaigns for the likes of Shroomingdale’s, Bamazon, Starpucks and Airdnd. I was the head silly of the world’s largest and most successful silly agency in history.” And so he went on chronicling his long-winded career. Delmar was one of those sillys who, despite not having one shred of silliness in his body, was a masterful manipulator and knew exactly how make people think and do anything he wanted them to. Thus, for a long time, he was riding high at the top of his silly career, leading on one successful campaign after another, until, of course, he went the way of every other silly in the packed out SD support group. “Once I got a taste of the dip, merde, that was it for me. The white powder took me into her sweet, sweet embrace and held me close. There was no going back. I am not a man who does anything by half. I was buying the finest imported sherbet dip in the world. On my command, Dip Dab production increased ten fold. I’d wake up and dip then dip all day until eventually the only way I could get to sleep at night was to sink cinq diazepam to bring the high down. I had everything. I lost everything. Including my teeth. These are veneers. Now, mes amies, I have redirected my silliness to my new silly passion – my Wii. Oui, I Wii. Every day I Wii and I am not ashamed because it allows my to be my true silly self. No boundaries. No clients telling me they do not understand my silly vision. Just pure, unadulterated silliness. Friends, you too can find new ways to express your silly minds, now that the industry has rejected you. Baiser l’industrie! Fuck it!” The room erupted with applause, as Delmar reached for the DS in his inner jacket pocket, placed his monocle in his right eye and found a seat in the back of the room where he could quietly play Super Mario Kart while completely ignoring every silly whose story was to follow.
Lucy was next to speak. Formerly a Level 1 silly for Channel B until she was caught, by a senior director, sucking SD off a subordinate’s naked torso in an unlocked unisex toilet cubicle. Both lost their silly jobs that day. Lucy now uses silly writing as her silly outlet, while her former employee has chosen to express her silliness by taking up the didgeridoo.
After Lucy came, Benuardo. Benuardo had travelled to the UK on a silly scholarship from the Valencia School of Modern Art. He was interning at Zaatchi & Zaatchi until, one mundane Monday lunch break, he decided to shake up his SD habit, literally, by pouring the contents of five whole Dip Dabs into a bottle of cola and shaking until the entire contents exploded in his face. He was hospitalised for an excruciatingly agonising 15 minutes, during which time he was replaced due to extended absence.
After Benuardo there was Toenail. Toenail was a freelance silly working mainly in the music industry, cutting short-form content for online social platforms. He was an SD old timer. First started dipping at the age of two, when his mother first let him go down to the shops by himself and has been dipping ever since. The result of such long term abuse has caused years of chronic black-outs and insomnia. His silly career ended when it came to light that, by night, he’d been hacking into the record label’s audio sessions and auto-tuning the work of multi-award winning vocalist, Maria Scary, plunging her renowned whistle register into disrepute.
Next there was Dandy. Dandy was a high society silly who worked solely on high-end couture campaigns for fashion sillys at the House of Cards. He lost his silly credibility after an intense SD rush triggered a damning fall out with his ten-year-old sister, causing her to lock him out of his twitter account as she trolled the fashion house’s social media pages with her brother’s Rylie Jenner Lip Challenge Selfie fails.
Silly after silly stood up and spoke of their silly highs and silly lows. Their sherbet dip woes among friends and foes. Sharing silly platitude after platitude, and celebrating each other for it.
“Silliness is not just something you think about – silliness is something YOU DO.” “Silliness is not a talent or ability – it is the fruit of a person’s decision to matter.” “We matter, guys!” “The human spirit lives on silliness and dies on conformity and routine.” “Silliness follows its own rules.” “Silly thinking inspires ideas – ideas inspire change.” “Silliness, like human life itself, begins in darkness…” “YEAH!”
“Silliness is just connecting things. When you ask silly people how they did something they feel guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while.” – Eve Employment, founder of Pear Inc, leader of the Max-i Pad revolution.
Many told stories of their undying passion for silliness and how their silly juices would continue to flow all over anyone with an open…mind. Some told stories of true reform, swapping their silly careers for sensible ones. Others were trapped in a state of silly confusion waiting for silly inspiration to guide them on to the next venture. Despite the many and varied paths taken at this metaphorical cross-road in their silly lives, one thing will always bind this unique group of individuals together, and that is the undeniable fact that all are truly and utterly
creative silly, indeed.