I really like hats

Just not when they’re worn by twats

I used to love beer

Til “craft” made it daft, now I usually just steer clear

I really liked bicycles…when I was eight

Now they tend to grate

Especially on footpaths

That turn into death traps

When cyclist don’t slow down, instead they just mow you down

And if you do manage to turn around

It’s always too late to stop your toes from getting pounded into the ground

Arseholes

I still like beards though

Because they make a man look like a teddy bear

With his little fuzzy hair

Walking and talking like he hasn’t got a care

It’s not fair

I wish I could grow a beard

But I suppose that would look weird

But I really do like hats

(I just f*cking hate twats)